Today, I needed gas. So I made my daily visit to CircleK, where I was immediately accosted by a very nice lady who struck up a conversation about my shoes [I’m trying out clogs today. They were apparently the style of an old lady, a woman with no life, and a creepy truck driver. Nay on the clogs]. I replied graciously while simultaneously making the required hand gestures to convey that I needed to leave and start pumping my gas now. We were having the socially acceptable dance of a conversation, when she threw a brick at me. Not literally, of course, figuratively. She asked me for a donation to the Haiti Relief fund, but didn’t give an organization she was doing it through. I politely [restate: POLITELY!] declined, explaining that at the current moment, I was short on cash and excused myself from the situation.
Now, normally, a woman outside a scummy gas station asking for money for a national relief effort without the backing of a certified organization would not bother me. It would only reinforce my opinion that wandering people have no imagination. But the thing that really got me was that as I was walking away, I heard her mutter obscenities about me and something along the lines of “somethingsomething racist bitch...dont trust black folks...”eff” off mofo.”
Lady, I wish I had the guts to confront you then. But because I bought my cajones at a half-price sale and they only work between the hours of 11p.m. and 7a.m. I didnt. So I’m telling you now, from behind the safety of my 8x12 computer screen, back the hell off. I am entitled to the right to deny you anything I want as long as it isn’t rightfully yours. My money is mine to spend it as I will, and as I explained to you, I don’t have any. Do you want to know why exactly it is I don’t have any? My paycheck was 160. I owe my dad twenty dollars because I texted “haiti” twice, once to 90999 and once to 50555, I donated money to the Josh Groban fund, church, and everything my school is doing now is being donated to the Haiti Relief. This includes Winter formal tickets which are either 8 or 10 dollars, depending on when you buy them. Now, Im not going to winter formal, but I donated as if I was. Also, they’re having a raffle which I put five dollars into for an iPod that I fully do not expect to win. So you factor that in, add the cost of gas for a month and put some in savings and there's my paycheck.
So I reckon I’ve donated about 50-80 dollars to Haiti. I’m not bragging about this, by any means, but I really can’t donate any more! I’m not even apologizing, because I did what I could, short of actually going to Haiti, which I wouldve done in a heartbeat if that was at all plausible. I even went up to the hospital to inquire about volunteering there.
And by the way, lady, if you had accepted that and moved on, coming out of the gas station I remembered that I had a buck or two in my center console. [The following is said in a sing-song voice--->]That could’ve been yours [end sing-song voice]. Instead, the guy at the drive-thru window at Burger King’s who handed me my very coincidentally priced large diet coke smiled and told me to have a nice day.
So up yours bitch!
WHAT I LEARNED TODAY:
Twinkies are 90% air.