Top Ten Most Annoying Traits in People
10. Touchy-Feely People- Get your hand out of my ear. No, don’t put it on my shoulder-ohkay, that’s enough..STOP TOUCHING MY NECK! Um, that’s not my knee
9. Knuckle cracking-eeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaggggghhck!!!! *Spine Shudder* [Added by Harrison: Also toes. Cracking toes is disgusting.] (Kevin says, don't crack knuckles-crack skulls *punches hands together near my ear*)
8. Exaggerated Empathetic- The people who agree with everything you say, that have gone through the exact same issues you have, that have advice on every subject, those people just make me cringe. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY HAVE A COCKAPOO NAMED RINGO WHO IS IN LOVE WITH YOUR MALTIPOO NAMED TEDDY, TOO?!?! It’s just not possible.
7. Looking Through Stuff without Asking- I hate you I hate you I hate you. I don’t grab your mom and go through her without asking. Please don’t grab my backpack and rifle through it, don’t flip through my book-especially if I’m already reading it! Don’t grab a paper that I’m writing on and read it, don’t grab my wallet and look through it for money, don’t move a book I’m doing homework out of, just KEEP YOUR FLIPWILSON HANDS OFF!
6. Reading over Shoulder- Just. Don’t. Do. It…Kevin.
5. Overzealous Nodders- You know those people, the ones that nod and go, “oh absolutely! Yeah, uhuh, oh sure, mmhmm, go on, I know! Totally, sure, mmhmm, oh I’ve been there, uhuh, uh-huh…” Those people annoy me. I don’t need your approval to keep talking! I just naturally assume you’re listening.
4. People Who Say “Awesome” to Describe Everything*- Its called a thesaurus. But, here, I’ll give you some for free. FANTASTIC, AMAZING, GREAT, ASTONISHING, WONDERFUL, MAGNIFICENT, TERRIFIC, IMPRESSIVE, MAGESTIC, STUNNING, nifty! Okay, nifty might not work, but still. A load of other words you can use.
3. Excessive Profanity- You can say it without swearing. I know it’s possible because most everybody at my church does it, and they usually get their point across. Now, I understand that some things need emphasis, but if the ratio of cursing to “socially acceptable” words is 2:1, something’s wrong.
2. Nervous Laughter- If you think its funny, laugh. If you don’t, it’s not a big deal. I much prefer knuckle cracking to nervous laughing. Just, you know, an FYI.
1. Coming up behind you and hugging you- I really hate that. I mean, I’m not a touching kind of person. I don’t hug people often, and when I do, I’m probably in a “I’m-So-Tired-I’m-Hallucinating-That-You’re-Jake-Gyllenhaal” state of mind. But, really, don’t hug me from behind. I might be forced to bring out some of my renowned tae kwon do moves on you…yeah I’m a green belt. Don’t test me, foo. [Kevin just bust out laughing, and I have no idea why...perhaps he was committing #6?]
And the absolute, take-the-caker, is People Who Chew With Their Mouth Open- You all know someone who does it. Maybe you do it. I want to know what your food looks like inside your mouth just as much as you want to know what it looks like coming out. And the noise, that chomping, the chewing, it just makes me want to put a vacuum hose in your mouth and turn it on. So, on this one, I'll just give you some modified advice from the greatest wizard there ever was. Keep it hidden, keep it safe.
BONUS FROM HARRISON: People who poke you in the chest when they’re mad at you - *awkward look at Monica* (or to make a point)- Apparently, you think I need a bruise to remember what you’re saying. I’ll remember the fury, but when you poke me, I slip into an awkward rage of my own, and I won’t remember anything after that. Much like the Hulk.
*EXEPTION: Barney Stinson
WHAT I LEARNED TODAY:
The original flavor of Twinkies was banana, but when the US went through a banana shortage during WW2, they switched it to vanilla, which became so popular it stuck.