I thought I would start off with a "Things I've Learned So Far..." kind of deal, just to commemorate what exactly it is I know, after roughly 10,000 hours inside a classroom and countless more being manhandled by the clammy hands of life.
-People lie.
-honesty does not go far.
-You can go your whole life believing there are only two ways to prove the existence of magic [1 being Barry and Stuart, 2 being Disney's magic castle], and then one book later that theory is proven wrong in so many ways.
-it seems to be impossible to "stick it to the man" when the man is hiding behind men in neatly pressed suits who dont like being "stuck."
-labels are for losers
-people who are wannabe's dont know what they want to be
-Its the thought that counts, but some people are too lazy to turn it in to anything more than a thought [thanks David W]
-Being crazy every day keeps the men in white coats away.
-those little black things in bananas are tarantula eggs [thanks Noel]
-if vegetarian soup is hot, that means somebody named Kevin made it.
-don't believe the hype.
-if youre going with the flow, youre a tuna. If you swim against it, youre a nuisance.
-Pop punk music can't lead to anything good except an occasional awesome karaoke party.
-Accents are sexy; doesn't matter where from, they just are. No exceptions. Except maybe Klingon.
-The term "best friend" is demeaning. Not necessarily to the person you are referring to, but to the people you're NOT.
-Hippies were cool before Fonzy was cool.
-Life is one big contradiction.
-The condoms are behind the armoire of despair.
-Life is one big contradiction.
-I will never find my Dexter.
-Fourty-two.
-Nobody does their math homework in pen [thank you Jake]
-The best way to get praise is to die [italian proverb]
-Nassim Al Fakir can amuse me for hours just by laughing.
-Anything too silly to be spoken is sung.
-Purple eyeliner will get you free drinks. Red eyeliner will get you a free breathalyzer test.
-Sex is the biggest nothing of all time [Andy Warhol, although recently supported by Kevin Jonas]
-HATE SPINNERBAIT! [Dexter&Owen]
-Nothing is left unfinished; it is simply abandoned.
-If you want to make a month-by-month cut-out calendar depicting every act in the kama sutra done by animals, National Geographics can help.
-"Making headway" is a funny expression.
-"Tempestuous cacanation" is a googlewhack! [02.04.08]
-The Latin word for "sheath" is "vagina"
-Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Those are the basic lessons I have learned in my 17 short years.
1 comment:
Amazing.
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