Top Ten Things I Wish I Were Doing Right Now
10. Cleaning my room- How pitiful is that, I actually want to be cleaning my room. I think it is now safe to say that I am officially a slob. I don't want to get out of bed, so instead I'm surveying my room and picturing what it would look like if it were clean. Thats how low I've sunk.
9. Catching fireflies- I'm so impatient for the fireflies to get here. I'm ready, I got my Mason jar, come on you flying winking basterds, get out here and let me chase you!
8. Being successful- Maybe if I was being productive in my life, and not just sitting around watching episodes of Peep Show and procrastinating, I'd feel like a contributing member of society and not just a lazy lug. I've always wanted to be called that. A lazy lug. Such a nice mental image. Very lenient.
7. Driving- I like driving. Its peaceful. Lonely. Sometimes lonely is good, like the lonely I get when I drive. It's like, being myself.
6. Matt Smith- Yes. Yes I mean sex. The man gives me the shivers. He's not even sexually attractive, and I like to think of myself as an asexual being, but when I turn on the TV and watch Matt Smith hold off the Dalek destruction of the world by bluffing with a Jammy Dodger, I just want to rip a pillow [that may very well be a euphemism].
5. Competing on a Japanese quiz show- FOR BONO'S SAKE, I WANT TO BOUNCE OFF OF SYNTHETIC RUBBERY INFLATABLES AND BE SCORED APPROPRIATELY TO MY CORRESPONDING TIME AND OVERALL LACK OF SKILL FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE! Is that too much to ask? God!
4. Making it rain somewhere- I wish I had a.] the courage, b.] the funds, and c.] the ability to make it rain. Whether it be with money or atmospheric pressure, I don't care. Either would be cool.
3. Hiking the Swiss Alps with James Dean- That may be code for "dreaming."
2. Sitting in on a blood parasite support group- It's a Jack's Raging Bile Duct kind of day. My power animal is a flipping seal.
1. Graffitiing the United Nations building- I feel like rebelling against government. I feel like expressing my political views from the perspective of an aerosol paint can. I feel like doing damage to a monument. I feel like throwing up.
Today Is: Nothing Like A Dame Day
Word of the Day: "Permeable"
How to jump start a car [hint: you can't do it by yourself]